Tuesday, August 11, 2026

HARD DAY'S NIGHT

Now playing:

One Night Only--Based only on the title and the poster, audiences may not go in expecting dystopian sci-fi. I didn't. But the premise of this romantic comedy is, quite exactly, The Purge, except with sex instead of violence.

Up front we are told that three years before the movie started, "The Mandate" outlawed premarital sex in America except for a single 12-hour period in summer. There's some amusingly interwoven exposition to explain how this is enforced, and some clever background gags in the signage or on TV, but the plausibility or implications of this liebesverbot aren't the point.

The movie is really about our heroine Allie (Monica Barbaro) and our hero Owen (Callum Turner) getting together and realizing they're meant for each other before the time is up. He's a pizza chef; she's a singer who makes her living with embarrassing jingles for pharmaceutical commercials but can't bring herself to deploy her pipes onstage in front an audience.

Dateless on the big day, they wander the lust-saturated streets of New York, crossing and re-crossing each other's paths while chasing after false leads and suffering wacky humiliations. Directed by Will Gluck of Easy A from a script by Travis Braun, One Night Only starts off excellently, with ingenious set-ups and a nice big ensemble of character players--Maya Hawke, Molly Ringwald and Levar Burton, to name only three--along with some surprise cameos.

The movie gets messier and less assured in its overextended third act, as if Gluck and Braun felt obligated to pile on unnecessary complications. By the end, the night feels way too long. But a movie like this fails or succeeds on the degree to which we like the leads and want to see them find each other. Turner and Barbaro's relationship progresses to the next station of fond, amused familiarity each time they meet, so that even when they're presented with glamorous alternatives, it's believable that they would opt for each other.

Turner is winning in his nice guy role; he has a touch of Channing Tatum's sweetness while giving off a sharper sense of intelligence. But One Night Only truly serves as a showcase for Barbaro, the striking young actress who played Joan Baez in No Direction Home. Maintaining her dignity here in a precariously revealing dress, with smiles and quiet chuckles escaping onto her face despite the travails she's facing, she gives us a romantic heroine we can wholeheartedly root for.

Thursday, August 6, 2026

SPIN CYCLE

Check out my review of Spider-Man: Brand New Day...

...now in the multiplexes, online at Phoenix Magazine.

Monday, July 27, 2026

HE ONLY HAS EYE FOR YOU

Available on VOD:

The Cyclops (1957)--It's often pointed out that Bert I. Gordon's initials spelled out B.I.G., appropriately because his niche was making movies about people or animals turned amazingly colossal via clumsy rear-projection special effects. Most of these films are terrible; most of them are also entertaining. Christopher Nolan he wasn't, but Gordon did make a film that was a nod to a famous episode in The Odyssey, this 1957 saga of a one-eyed giant.

The beautiful, bob-haired, delicate-boned '50s scream queen Gloria Talbott leads an expedition--consisting of a scientist (James Craig) a pilot (Tom Drake) and a shady speculator (a vigorously hamming Lon Chaney, Jr.) into a remote, radioactive, forbidden valley in Mexico. She's looking for her fiance, who disappeared there a couple of years earlier. The group soon finds it's a canyon of horrors, with giant lizards and other creatures mutated by the uranium in the soil. Then they encounter a bald giant with a disfigured face and one huge, bulging eye. Who might that be?

Made to share a double bill with Daughter of Dr. Jekyll--a Gloria Talbott two-fer!--this movie is slight even by '50s low-budget sci-fi standards, and there's an unsavory tinge to it from the pre-humane animal action. Even so, the title character here, played by Duncan Parkin behind the memorable makeup, and with gratingly persistent groans and snarls supplied by the superb voice actor Paul Frees, has a grotesque pathos. And Homeric action asserts itself: the giant traps the party in a cave with a boulder, and he meets his waterloo from the proverbial poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Friday, July 17, 2026

Sunday, July 12, 2026

BEST RESULTS

Once again I'm proud to have been among the authors of Phoenix Magazine's annual "Best of the Valley" feature...

...now on the stands. Check it out to find hundreds of Valley amenities which we have peremptorily chosen as the best our community has to offer. While you're reading, guess which 13 little mini-masterpieces of prose composition are the work of Your Humble Narrator.

Friday, July 10, 2026

THE LAND OF THE FREE (PASS)

Check out my review of Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass...

...online at Phoenix Magazine.

At the screening, I was presented with my own Official Celebrity Sex Pass...

You'll notice that it remains blank; at this writing I still haven't decided which lucky celebrity gets me...

Tuesday, July 7, 2026

TO FRISBEE OR NOT TO FRISBEE

Not long ago I walked into the Pet Supplies Plus near my house...

...and encountered a young woman sitting at a table laden with prizes and a small wheel of fortune. I was invited to give the wheel a spin. It landed on "TRIVIA QUESTION." The question: What is the life span of a bearded dragon, the endearing Australian lizards popular at pet shops...

Your Humble Narrator prides himself on an above average knowledge, for a layperson, of reptiles. I guessed that in captivity, a properly cared for bearded dragon might hope to live ten years. The young woman said the answer was 8-12 years. Nailed it!

I was therefore invited to choose a prize. I selected a sleek, shiny black plastic frisbee with "PET SUPPLIES PLUS" printed on it in bold green letters. I brought it home, thinking our Stewie...

...might enjoy chasing a frisbee in our back yard as opposed to the customary hard rubber balls. And so he did, but after less than ten minutes with him this was the disc's condition:

Very soon after this, oddly enough, I was given another frisbee. This one was a promotional item for the movie Pressure...

After less than ten minutes in the back yard with Stewie...


...this was its condition:

The main reason this post exists is so everybody knows I nailed the question about the bearded dragons.